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(MUSIC CONTINUES) (SIGHS) I’m telling you. ? It’s the best way to find out what you want. Think about it, the whole love thing, the whole, “I just want a guy to notice when I’m cold.” It’s nice when a guy notices when you’re cold. It means he’s Games It means he’s faking it, because he knows that’s what you want to hear. So, instead of being a psycho who pretends that I give a if you’re cold, I tell everyone the same thing. “If you’re looking for the one, that’s not me. “If you’re looking for the one to have a little fun with, I’m that one.” Oh. Yep. (SIGHS) Whew! I’ve always been in relationships. But, I guess that’s just because I actually don’t really know how to stay single. Then you came to the right place. The trick is to love them, but get them to leave you. That way, nobody gets hurt. Check this out. What do all these things have in common? Go. Um, ketchup and beer. Pickles, chocolate sauce. Are you pregnant? No, they can’t be used to make breakfast. There’s no reason to stick around in the morning, because you can’t make an omelet. Plus, no water. So, hungover chicks Games You got to leave to survive. Except for that New York water is delicious and you can just drink it from the tap. Yeah. But, uh Games From Games What Games Glass? Wow! You’re a piece of work. Mmm-hmm. Glass. Okay, MacGyver, no woman’s gotten this far, but, um Games You had a plumber cut your water? No. I did it myself. What if you need to wash your hands? What am I, a surgeon? What if you get thirsty? (TOM SIGHS) Nice. Well done. Yeah, right? Totally thought it was a nightstand, didn’t you? You’re a psycho. I’m not a psycho. Look, most guys are like me, they’re just not honest about it. I’m telling you, this is what it’s like out there. Why are you telling me this? (DOOR RATTLES) I don’t know. It’s just Games You’re different. Oh, my God. That’s the thing you say to girls. Yes, it is. Works, though, right? Completely. Anyway, end of the tour. And, um, this was fun. (CLEARS THROAT) See you. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) Hi.