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Luck clover


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Luck clover All’s fair in love and war. What do you say, Dickson? Do you think you can do it? I’ll need epoxy, some foam rubber, a merkin and a stiff drink. HORN HONKING Can I help you? Yes, I’d like to see something in a vacuum cleaner. Is there any particular make or model you’re interested in? I want something strong that will really suck up the dirt. Oh, well, if you want something industrial, we’ve got this little item. Uhhuh. TYPEWRITER CLACKS Are there two Ls in “unconditionally”? Yes. And don’t forget “irrevocably.” SMOOCH THUNDER RUMBLING You can’t know how I’ve longed for this moment. THUNDER RUMBLING Mary? Oh, we had a little something, but warmbodied women like Mary don’t really understand the needs of a man like me. Of course I’ll be gentle. Oh! What is that delightful scent? Is it Tiger of the Valley? Ah! No, darling, don’t move. I can’t wait any longer. THUNDER CRASHING SIGHS VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS Oh! Oooh! ALL YELL You disgusting pervert! Somebody get me out of this thing! Not till you sign this, Casanova. You better sign it, Dr. Truscott, or you’ll be singing soprano. What is it? Well, it’s a statement declaring that all students in the current class graduate with full honors. And transferring the ownership of the Grimm Mortuary and Academy to me and my brother. Are you behind this, Mary? Every inch of the way. It looks like you’ll be having a skidrow honeymoon with Cathy the cadaver. Don’t you dare refer to her that way. As for your paper, you… WHIRRING INTENSIFIES …can forget it. I’m not signing anything. Should I turn it up from wood floors and linoleum to shag and deep pile? DON Let her rip! WHIRRING INTENSIFIES Ooooh! Whoo! On second thought, if anybody has a pen… Would you like to peruse it first? Very funny. Stop! Turn this thing off! Kill it, Abbott. GROANS SQUELCH Somebody get me my robe. JAMES Why, certainly. Oh! GROUP SNICKERS You people are sick! Coming from you, that’s a compliment. SCOFFS I suppose you think you’re very smart, strongarming me this way. Well, I’m happy to say the joke’s on you.


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