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Mechanic Plan


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seven years, and I’ve never spent an evening with you that I haven’t checked in by phone between the hours of : and :, if you’ll remember back. How do you like them apples, you silly monkey? When did you join the FBI? We used to live together. I always knew where you were. You did, huh? When we were in the Army and I was transferred to the Signal Corps at Fort Monmouth, didn’t it seem peculiar to you that, after I’d trained for six months, they sent me back? I never even saw Fort Monmouth. I was at the FBI academy in Quantico, Virginia. Even the letters I sent you were rerouted to have a Fort Monmouth postmark. You don’t mind if the government doesn’t want us to tell our friends, do you? Boy, that’s a surprise. Here’s another little surprise. You know that tall girl with the Italian haircut that you and Ann thought kind of lightheaded? She’s an FBI agent. How’s that for an eyeopener? Wow. What’s so “wow” about it? You read every day in the papers about the undercover FBI men. Where do you think we come from? Do you think the stork brings us? Mike, what do you do? Do you spy on people? What else you wanna know, big nose? I’m sorry. Come on. Take off your shoes. We’ve got a lot of details to provide for you in the next three hours, and I don’t know if we can even make it, and sitting around here arguing with you isn’t helping any. Lay down, come on. Mike, are you sure this is gonna work? I game This is supposed to be tattooed on. Mike, does every FBI man have three dots on his heel? I don’t know about the FBI, but everyone in the Cornell chapter of the Phi Eta Fraternity has. The Phi Eta game What are you talking about? Hold your foot still, will you? Are you in the FBI or not? Me? In the FBI? I couldn’t even get to be an Eagle Scout, you jackass! What’s the matter with you? Then what in the blazes are you doing? I’m saving your marriage, you dumb bunny. I convinced you I was in the FBI, didn’t I? Well, we certainly can convince that stupid wife of yours. She’s not stupid. Well, she’s stupid enough. If you invent


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