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Super Mario Big Escape


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I was like, “Oh, man I’m six.” You know? Like, I was not ready for this. So then she pulls me in, then she takes her claw, and I say claw ’cause it had to be a claw. And she just put it into my back and I just saw the past. I saw me as a little Italian boy, like, “Papa Games ” You know, just gone. So I’m just gone, right? And then she rips my tie off. Yeah, I was wearing a tie. She rips it off. And then she kicks me against her table. Right? So, now I’m against the table and she jumps on me and Games rips my shirt open. Which is hot, right? Well, apparently, I didn’t think so, because the only words that came out of my mouth were, “My buttons!” Like, my heart was sweating. It was like “Mom” all over again. You ever just say Games I don’t know where it came from. I felt like Games The same voice and same hand, by the way, just, “My buttons!” Like, I was on a Broadway play and that was my only line, just, “My buttons!” Honestly, I could picture the construction site. The foreman would be like, “Who the put that out there? Tommy, was that you?” “Yeah, you know me, I like trouble. Let’s get outta here, he ain’t getting laid. He’s gonna be a comedian.” Now, here’s why I tell you that. This is why I tell you this. Here’s why. Because I think it’s good to have embarrassing moments in your life. I think having embarrassing moments growing up helps build character. I think it helps build a person. I feel like kids today are growing up so fast, they’re skipping that . They are. Everything I read about them, there’s no innocence. Like kids are getting blowjobs in the bus now. What? What magic school bus Ms. Frizzle ? Seriously, what beautiful trip to school did I miss? How does any boy miss the bus? Even if you’re not the kid who gets the blowjob in the morning, you still have to wake up and be like, “Maybe, today.” You have to. You know who I feel bad for, though? I feel bad for the mom, the stay-at-home mom who has to deal with the kid who does get the blowjob in the morning, and that kid misses the bus. Because that has to be the biggest temper


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